I trust You, God.

It’s better to take refuge in You than to trust in princes.

All man’s empty promises lie broken at Your feet, but You have never broken one.

I will fear You and trust You above any other. I will lay my life in Your hands, You are my only lover. Only You sustain, You’re the lifter of my head, You’re my portion and my inheritence, my very present help, You’re my fortress, my stronghold, my strength and my shield. When the world rise against me, I will stand firm, for God is for me. I stand on His promises. I stand on His word. I stand on my heart’s cry, my “yes” to Him. I stand on my cry that I made yesterday, “Lord I trust You, God I want you, so if there’s anything that’s stopping me from getting all of You, take it away.”

This morning my computer crashed. I had a test that I did not know I had. Ha. I’m getting text messages from my father that are assaulting my motives and my relationship with the Lord. I’m hard-pressed on all sides, but not crushed. The Lord is my strength.

In the midst of it all, I think to my prayer yesterday and I feel such a deep and satisfying love. I feel wanted. I feel so desired by God right now. He is relentless after me. He’s been so stirred by my heart’s cry, and He’s come with smoke from His nostrils to tear down everything that keeps me from being fully His. He is jealous after me. I am lovesick.

So, though I have no job, no offers or even word back on any applications, and expenses are mounting, and now my computer is broken, and my GPA might suffer a bit from this morning’s test (which I fully acknowledge my irresponsibility on), my pride is shattered, my heart is breaking over the words being slung at me, I am disappointed in not having a working computer yet carry the hope that I can possibly repair it without any expenses… and I know that I’m not without fault in any of my situations, but God is ultimately the Sovereign of my life… yes, I can be trying harder to get a job, yes, I can lower my standards and go get a job at a media place, where I have more experience, yes, I could have treated my computer better the last 2 weeks instead of leaving it on with 30 windows open, yes, I could have been more prepared and made a schedule and known the test was coming up. Yes, I am flawed.

But my heart is after the Lord. My desire is Him. My desire is to know Him and to be known be Him and to show Him to others.

Everything else can and will burn.

This song resonates in my head:

Yet Will I Sing – Audra Lynn Hartke

Let this be the only love song I write
May You be the only Love in my life
I asked You to draw me, I said I would run
So though I walk through the valley, yet will I trust
I asked You to call me, I said I would come
So though I go up the mountain, yet will I run

Chorus:

Though my song be taken from me
Yet will I sing; yet will I praise You
Though the joy be taken from me
Yet will I laugh; yet will I shout unto You
Though the light be hidden from me
Yet will I walk; yet will I run after You
Though my heart be slain within me
Yet will I trust; yet will I follow You

Bridge:

‘Cause I know whatever You do, You do through the eyes of mercy
And nothing can be added to it, nothing can be taken away
There is a time for every purpose under the heavens
So though my weeping may last for the night
Oh how Your joy, it comes with the light


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Published in: on September 16, 2009 at 11:48 am  Leave a Comment  
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