Work hasn’t been steady. It’s a bummer. I don’t need a large income to break even, so it’s frustrating when I can’t even make that. I don’t want my gaze to be distracted by circumstances! I can live on less than $400 – really, probably less than $350 per month right now. That’s rent, bills, groceries, and gas. That’s breaking even. I haven’t been completely without income. It just isn’t steady.

It’s the importance of outlook, though. I could look at my unsteady income and freak out, or rejoice for the opportunity for God to show up. I’m learning gratitude!!! Instead of scoffing at the little I have, I can thank God for it. Jesus only had 5 loaves and 2 fish to feed 5,000 men – that count doesn’t even include women and children, there were easily 10,000 people there. 5 loaves. 2 fish. All of the sudden, only having $50 in a week’s pay and wondering how I’m going to make it for $260 rent doesn’t look so bad, odds wise. But Jesus was thankful for the little He had, and He thanked the Father for it, blessed it, and had His disciples begin distributing it. All ate, all were satisfied, and they came away with 12 baskets of food – enough to feed even more people, enough to eat later, provision overabundant.

In the month of October, I got away with spending $2.50 on groceries. The entire month. That’s a gallon of milk. I believe the actual purchase was 18 eggs and a tub of butter.

Yet right now I have a delicious vegetarian lasagna in the fridge, I have a large brownie, I have 3 bottles of ketchup, a bag of chicken, a bag of carrots, I enjoyed apples and bananas earlier in the month, as well as some rice and oatmeal that I did not buy.

An anecdote from last night illustrates how it’s been. I’m out of ketchup. When all else I have is pasta and butter, ketchup is a big deal. As is, I put it on nearly everything I eat. On my way home I thought to go to the grocery store, but ended up not. When I got home, my roommate told me she had a present for me, and handed me three 36-oz bottles of Heinz ketchup. I know that’s not huge, it’s like $5 of stuff, but it was so awesome!

Another story. It’s not that I have no money, I just don’t have much, so it’s nice to have it freed up to take care of other needs. Two months ago a friend of mine was about to leave for a semester abroad in France. She ended up clearing off her pantry shelf and giving it to me. Soup, Alfredo sauce, noodles, oatmeal, crackers, green beans… I’ve been living heavily off of the oatmeal she gave me for most of the past 2 months. She had a lot of oatmeal.

And then earlier this month, my lifegroup leaders showed up at my house with some fresh groceries – apples, bananas, carrots, a half-gallon of milk, some chicken, fresh-baked bread and jam, etc.

And the other day, I greatly desired a green pen to write in my Bible with. I currently have an orange and a blue pen in there. Papermate pens. Same pen, different colors. I wanted a green one but don’t have the money to be buying pens right now.

At lifegroup, on the table, was a green papermate pen. No one living in the house knew whose it was. No one visiting lifegroup claimed it. It didn’t belong to anyone. Everyone said I could have it. It’s a silly little thing, but it was so good!

And the real kicker. Being broke, not having money to plunk into a road trip even somewhere close, and having very badly balding tires, I was going to be spending Thanksgiving alone. After church the other day, someone I know asked me if I want a ride to Kansas City over the holiday!!! So now I get a free trip to a place I so deeply desire to be. I couldn’t believe it.

I’m learning gratitude. I’m learning to trust. I’m leaning on the Lord right now and He’s holding me up. I can’t forget that. So I’m writing this to remember it. 🙂

Be blessed.

Published in: on November 2, 2009 at 10:57 am  Leave a Comment  

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