If you don’t see, you die…

If you don’t see, you die… or, in other words, without vision, the people perish. This isn’t to say that those without physical sight are condemned… but it is to say, that without looking ahead, without having a goal to progress towards, without having some sort of plan of action, one will easily perish into obscurity, into nothingness. The less vision you have, the harder it is to stir some up.

I graduated college 2 months ago, planning to move to a certain city. Those plans fell through. I ended up living with one of my parents. Here I am. More than a thousand miles away from where I want to be. No job, nowhere near the people and activities and place I want to be. This wasn’t the plan.

So, on one hand, we’re to have vision. On the other hand, God seems to be in the business of upsetting the plans of men. What to do? It seems the only way I will survive this intact will be to make Christ my sole vision, not some place. Not to numb myself into a media stupor killing time and avoiding my ache over my situation by drowning it out with the drone of a thousand other voices, but to run to Him in the midst of this place I hate to be, and to tell Him how I feel about it, and to ask Him how He feels about it, and to ask Him what His reasons are for it, and then to do something about that.

It is not fun. I hate my life right now, in all honesty. This isn’t what I wanted. I do not like being here, and every fiber of my being is offended. I am a college graduate, I just payed an exorbitant amount of money to go to school, put in four years of work, have to actually start paying on that exorbitant fee of student loans I borrowed for school (a rant for another day), and I am unemployed, haven’t heard back from anyone I’ve submitted and application to, have had a few prospective jobs fall through (ok, so I’ve been unemployed for over a year and have had all sorts of problems with jobs falling through for the past year, but that’s our economy right now) and all-in-all I feel rather discouraged. I’m living with my mother. I am a college graduate and I had to move home to live with my mother because I have maybe $100 to my name. I’ve been donating plasma for money, but couldn’t even do that for a while because the last time I donated I ended up getting a large bruise and they won’t let you donate if you don’t have both arms ready to take a needle. And in the midst of this, I haven’t been as active as I was in school, walking from home to class and across campus a few miles a day, and so my weight has ballooned by a good 20 lbs. I don’t think I could go out and exercise if I wanted to, and I do want to, for I’ve moved to the desert and 105º is considered a cool day out here. At least I have the fall to look forward to, because I live in a place great for outdoor hiking and such… But for now, I am stuck inside because of the heat, and trying to get by on pushups and crunches when I remember to…

So, all of this is really not the best of situations. When I look at the situation, I don’t want to be alive. Hope is hard to find. Motivation is hard to muster. But when I look at Christ, it gets easier. Hope whispers softly, which is better than not at all. When I spend time with Him, I remember why He is so worth it. Just one word from Him is enough to overcome a thousand lies. It’s amazing how it works.

Be thou my vision…

Note: i think the title quote is from Cory Russell’s “Eyes Opened.”

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